The end of pretending.

At least that's something good, right?

Other than that, business as usual.
Busy, trying to get everything done, one step at a time.

Real life pisses me off right now. But that is not unusual.

The sun keeps on shining and somehow I missed spring. Where did that go?
It is kind of hot 'round here and I am just so glad that I have a shower. :)

Work is not good right now. Too much things I need to do and just can't. Keep on hitting walls here and there. Added pressure by an ultimatum is not helping things at all. Well, maybe he thinks I needed waking up?

It felt bad, I went to see my mom. Felt better. Good that I can still stop by whenever I need someone to talk to.
I can understand him, but I normally react very badly when faced with an ultimatum I know I cannot keep.

Such is life.
It's just too sunny sometimes.

... and then you can't stand the rain.

I can't sleep properly. Not that I have trouble going to sleep, people keep me from actually going to bed.

Over the last few days some things didn't go as planned. Stuff has been happening at work that was interesting to know and really upset me so that I took Monday off to think things through and have a long conversation with my mom about it and of course with Ern.

Things have been getting better this week, I think but still it has left me thinking how I can even screw things up by doing ... nothing out of the ordinary. Well, if it is ordinary for me, so I have learned, it may not be ordinary for other people who have much time on their hands to talk shit about me and someone else.

There can be two different solutions for this: tread softly or give a damn about what people say. That someone else has hinted at "let them talk" I, on the other hand, lean towards the "tread softly" method. I don't want to get us into trouble just because I was too ignorant of the fact that people will eventually get jealous and just because they can make things difficult for you - proceed on making it worse.

I cannot count on any real help, so "tread softly"? Sounds good to me.

Ern has made several interesting observations and guesses about why this has happened and had to happen or should I call it "a social study on fellow office characters".

The only thing that went through my mind as I crawled back home frustrated and with tears in my eyes on Friday was: "how can you be so absolutely naïve?". A good cry and a nights' sleep later it was better and talking helped.

My mind is still a jumble, so sorry if this does not make much sense at all.
To make things short: work gossip is a pain in the butt right now, to put it lightly.

But then I drove my bosses' car this week, and hey that was nice. Really nice. Somehow he didn't want to trade... ;)

So sunny moments are there as well, not all is bad. And treading softly now... and hoping things will blow over.

... and leave already.

It's bad enough that he agreed to my meek "you don't care if I'm there or not", but actually contemplating talking to him ever again and just wishing it wasn't so - I am out of my mind right now.

I'll be staying away. This just to remind me of that conversation.

Tomorrow I'll be at Cologne airport to meet Ern, so this all isn't quite as bad as it seems. So just a bad taste in my mouth. Trying to move on. Good thing. Good thing.

*good night*

*very sleepy*

... and I think I'm getting a cold.